Step 1 – Listen
LISTEN - make them feel heard and seen
Ensure safety first
Always ensure the victim’s/survivor’s safety and your own. If the situation is dangerous, contact emergency services.
- Speak in a private, safe place where the victim feels safe. Use phrases like “I am here for you.” “You are not alone.” “Help is available.” “You are supported.”
- Offer physical comfort (if appropriate): A blanket or tea can provide comfort. However, always respect their boundaries and ask before initiating physical contact.
Listen actively
Allow the victim/survivor to share their story at their own pace and in a way that makes them feel safe. Remember that this is a very vulnerable experience for them.
- Align your body posture to make the survivor or victim feel heard and seen.
- Silence can be powerful and sometimes necessary as they process their thoughts.
- Be supportive and non-judgmental: Listen without judgment or blame. Use phrases like “I believe you” and “This is not your fault.” “It’s okay to feel this way.” Avoid saying: “Why didn’t you leave?”, “Are you sure this happened?”, “It’s not that bad.”
- Validate their experience by reinforcing that what happened to them is serious and deserves attention. Say things like, “What happened to you is serious, and your feelings are important.”
- Avoid comparing their situation to others or your own experiences, as this can make them feel misunderstood or dismissed.
Offer practical help
- Offer to accompany them to appointments, help with childcare if you are in a position to do so, or assist in finding legal advice or shelter.
- Help them make a safety plan: If they are in immediate danger or fear future harm, assist them in creating a safety plan, including finding a safe place to go, important contacts, and steps to take in an emergency.